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#strongestSELFever. It's happening!!!

After my previous post I figured taking action could start tonight....the challenge officially starts Monday but I thought I would get a head start...no time like the present....love the work out videos to follow along with, the pinable graphics to print out or save and workouts are for any level/go at your own pace. #iloveit

Still time to join!!!!!!

http://www.self.com/program/strongest-self-ever-challenge

me rocking the new years challenge

MY personal internal debate between bopo and letting myself go

When I chose the Instagram name 'curvy and strong' it was  way of me accepting who I am -- i am strong and I have curves and no amount of exercise and diet will take them all away....I took at stand for myself and who I am.

I've been thinking ALOT about my weight lately (how it keeps rising), then 'accepting who I am', eating what I want, not really following a structured program, embracing my curves, not setting any specific goals and being active.  What I realized is that I eat too much/unhealthy and then write it off as accepting who I am, its just a treat etc......my weight keeps rising ever so slightly and I'm kinda disappointed in myself...but then I give myself a free pass that I'm more active then I ever have been before and because I'm being showing the world big girls can be fit and active. However I am not making good choices to fuel this active body.

We went on a hike today and I had lots of time in the rain to think about my relationship to body positivity and acceptance and wanting to feel good/look good/perform good.  I'm getting married this Summer and I've had lots of people ask if I'm trying to lose weight for the wedding and I've been happy to say I'm not...#sheddingforthewedding  I didn't want to stress myself out buying a dress a size too small to torture myself into it.... but i'm not going to lie, really I want to look good in my pics - I'm marrying the most amazing man who has inspired me so much and is really my best friend.
I know i have a nice smile, I will be over the moon happy that day and with the right camera angles I can do that at the size I am now,  but what I really want to do is feel proud of myself on that day...that I found the man of my dreams, I achieved something I set my mind too and look and feel great.

I realize I've been sabotaging myself the past 6-8months with not following a healthful eating plan, eating the snacks at work....its almost like i want to look bad on my wedding day so I can look back at those photos and 'make myself wrong' for not achieving my goals or not having self control around food.

So today....I decided that I'm going to take no prisoners for the next 30 days...I'm going to monitor/track my food intake, I'm going to fuel my body for performance and not for sugar cravings, I'm going to say no to the donuts and treats at the work meetings, I'm not going to let stress get to me (2 major projects at work underway), I'm going to plan my dream wedding with the most amazing man and I'm going to feel proud in my wedding photos that I set out to achieve my best self and I DID IT!!!

wish me luck and off I go!!!

Sports bras and bras in general

On my recent trip to Nanaimo, I happened to pop into Addition Elle store. My intention was to check if there was any Ashley Graham lingerie on sale and to get something fun to wear. The lady asked me what my size was and as per usual I said 44 double-D. She said I highly doubt that - you're wearing the wrong size and me being stubborn I said no that's the size I always wear.   So she lets me try on the bras I find one I really like then she says and is quite persistent about giving me a bra fitting.  I was shopping with my fiance and a friend didn't want to hold up so I declined but then I considered and I had her do the fitting.

What I learned when she measured was that you should be wearing your bra with most of your breast weight being distributed to the band and that it should be tight to your rib cage.  With her measurements I should be wearing a 40 band size. And when she measured the cup size I should be wearing an H cup...What what she also noticed was that I had indentations in my shoulders because I have been wearing my bra's too tight in the shoulder straps because the band size has been too big that it slides around and doesn't give me support.  Also oddly enough I have been having reoccuring shoulder pain where it is potentially from a pinched nerve from the straps being too tight on my bras. 

I have always worn 44 double-D as long as I can remember and technically it fits because the extra inches on the band give room for the cup size but it's not always pretty. I recently got a new sports bra which was a 40 E and I also didn't really believe the lady that it was going to fit right so much so in fact that I had or not even though I bought it two months ago I put it on today and really notice the difference and appreciated it.

Thank you worker from Lady Sport and Dayla from Addition Elle Nanaimo!!  Get fitted asap to help your 'girls'.

Also from SELF magazine a similar story

http://www.self.com/story/how-to-find-your-bra-size?mbid=social_facebook

Things change..And the stay the same...And they change

I am still active...Almost everyday. And my focus has changed a bit from trying to be skinny to embracing my curves and my strength. I created a new Instagram @curvyandstrong.  In the meantime since joining Instagram my eyes have been opened to an amazing body positive, supportive world for plus size athletes like myself... There are more of me out there!!!  I'm not gunna lie...Part of me thought I was special and was a little sad that I wasn't unique or trendsetting but the other part is excited, motivated and inspired to do more and join in #bigfitgirlmovement !

My first eye opening​ adventure was the Embrace documentary screening in Vancouver and then the Big Fit Girl book by Louise Green.  Lots of great information for those new to fitness, wanting to learn how/where to find support and  resources.  My  a major take aways from the book was setting goals and making a plan.  I typically sign up for events and don't really make a training plan. Nothing bad really happens but I know I could probably do better and acheive

more if it set my mind to it and enrolled others....That was also a major for me is having a 'tribe'....I am typically a lone wolf when it comes to exercise, probably because I never really wanted the embarrassment of failing or struggling in front of others.  After reading the section about paying it forward I realize how much I could be helping others by being out there encouraging and supporting.....Now to just find my niche or avenue to do that.  I had planned to take my fitness theory course next week but the class got cancelled however I will continue to look into it and continue to post by trials and tribulations on Instagram/Facebook....And I've msgd 2 friends about setting up some hikes this summer....Oh hiking how I have missed you.  

stalled out. . . resting on my success. . gaining a bit

Its been awesome to hit a weight I hit a long time ago....I've been enjoying the weight I am now, I joke that I'm just getting used to it, want to get some wear out of my clothes I bought for this size. But in all reality I do want to loose more, but I've been sabotaging myself and cheating on my program and its kinda silly.   I have been kicking back relaxing on my journey.

I know I have also had to slow down my exercise because of my hip injury and rehabbing.  I need to ramp up the calorie burn and start building muscles etc.

I'm committed - back in the saddle and keep on keeping on.

forgive me body for I have let you down...

so in a effort to 'taper' things before my triathalon...I did nothing/no exercise for 4 days before the event and then to rest up after I took another day off.... and guess what - I NOTICED the 6 days rest.
I've been exercising 4-6 times a week (sometimes 2x a day) and it makes me HAPPY and feel good.  (Wow never thought I would say that) but anyways I have battled depression over the years, been on medication in the past but been off medication now for long time...exercise has been my drug lifting my mood and giving me energy.  I was on a high after the race but today it all caught up with me...I was moody, sad, irrational, lazy and wanting to binge...I cried and cried and no it wasn't a PMS moment but a down moment, really far down.  I am having some stress at work transitioning between a new job and a old job/doing both..being on call and feeling frazzled.  I have been so diligent working out on my lunch break and even when i interviewed for the new job I said I would be taking time to exercise...but today I got pulled in so many directions that I broke down.. I put on my exercise gear and sat in my car crying, paralyzed by not knowing what to do, not thinking clearly and just being in a sad place.  I pulled myself together for the remainder of my work day but i wasn't the triathlon rockstar i was on Monday.  however....my loving and supportive boyfriend encouraged me to go for a run and he joined me and I feel so much better now (the run was hard - I was tired and feeling out of shape) but  it was a great reminder of the power of exercise and routine and I never want to be feeling this low again.
I'm committed to nourishing my mind and body every day...and I realize that I could have incorporated some gentle exercise in the days leading up to triathlon but I chose not too.

Just the right amount of crazy: Inspiration.

Just the right amount of crazy: Inspiration.:       I met Carleen in 2012. She was a Booty Camp newcomer but quickly became a beloved member of the team. She was quiet at first, like mo...

I DID A TRIATHLON

A Try-It Triathlon....Yeah I did!!!! Woot Woot Was an amazing amazing experience!!! 

The swim was cold and a bit disorienting (300meters), the beach run hurt my feet a bit (tide was WAY out), the bike ride (10km) was fun (EVEN the big hill to prospect point after my chain fell off and I put it on myself - and the fast guys with fancy helmets past me)...I rode my Comfort bike proudly with my basket and pink flowers zap strapped inside!!!..

quick transition to the run around lost lagoon (2.5km) with surprise cheerleaders 3 booty camp girls!!!! in all an AMAZING experience and super fun. now had a hot tub and relaxing and making plans for next years event...and contemplating what to do next smile emoticon Thank-you for the inspiration and the idea Kyla and Nicole and Congrats to all the Landmark grads that also rocked the event today. Redefine what is possible!!

I rock and roll and JIGGLE!

These are my thighs.
These thighs have carried me many places and never let me down.  Carrying my former 310 pound body probably wasn't easy

These are my thighs helping me train for my first try-it triathlon. A triathlon is not something I ever thought I would do. But thanks to some landmark grads and my increased energy and fitness level I am taking it on. Today I am test driving my shorts. I don't normally run in shorts because I jiggle. Most women don't like to run in shorts because we jiggle. I took it on I rocked it and I'm ready for next weekend to cross the finish line in my shorts.

http://www.thisgirlcan.co.uk/

Thank you to the UK for inspiring women to get out there!

i've lost control

it started with a weekend at the cabin...forbidden treats and food I've avoided. I had some, thinking hey lets treat myself.  I will enjoy some now and then get back on track next week. nooo problem..

well its a problem.  I've been off track since Friday...off the rails like a crazy train...so not good.
keep trying to talk myself out of eating what I've been putting in my mouth but can't seem to rationalize myself to stop.

I've been here, I've been down this path...I've called it self sabatoge in the past.  my body is changing shape, my clothes loosening up, people are noticing and all I want to do is shove my face with food.

Today was a full box of crackers, 4 mini quiches, a strudel (oh yesterday there was a strudel too- whoops). 

I start the day with good intentions but some how think its ok to cheat or to treat myself. I'm well aware when I'm not eating that this is dangerous slope and I have to get back on track.  its Rally Time.

My boyfriend knows and is trying to help me but then I get angry at him for 'telling me what to do'

What a difference 1.5months will make?!?! and 28 pound weight loss...yahooo!!

All the trials, tribulations, discouraging....is WORTH IT WHEN YOUR LOSING!!!

I have to thanks Isagenix for my new way of eating, having control over my food and having so much energy and fun!!

http://carleen.mc.isagenix.com/

Out of integrity

so I'm plugging away on my isagenix plan....cheating here, cheating there and getting frustrated that I'm not losing as fast as I was.  Not even acknowledging I'm CHEATING!!!  realized that I was congratulating myself with dinner...a big dinner/no counting/no calorie tracking dinner when I 'survived' my day of shake/snack/workout/shake/snack.   ooppss.
There has been many many times I have failed on past 'diet' plans..I've gathered evidence to support that I'm special/different/unique and 'those plans' don't work for me...what I figured out last night in my Landmark seminar...is I cheat/quit/sabatoge my efforts in those plans so I can prove myself right!! so I can be the poor girl who weight watchers didn't work for...or the girl that just loved food more then anyone else.  I realize that perception is crap...its tied to my past failures and it really isn't serving me well at this moment.  So today I start being in integrity (doing what I say I'm going to do) and really start following this plan to see the success.  During my seminar session last night I actually shared in front of 120 people this realization...I was in tears- basically saying the jig is up and I've figured this out and now I'm watching for my self sabotage and my negative patterns.... and now anything is possible. I am not the girl that can't loose weigth, they girl that failed to loose weight to get to goal of 210 at HighSchool graduation...I'm a new me and ready to crush those numbers on the scale!!!!!!!!!!  and to be conscious of all the chatter in my head and all the tricky games I like to play.

onwards and downwards!
C

Down 11.9 pds

Now the stress, anxiety seems like a thing of the past.  The success of almost 6pds a week seems amazing to me.  Motivated to keep going and to accept that I have 2events this weekend where lots of food is involved. And then get back on track Monday

1st cleanse

Well I successfully cleansed yesterday.... Well I don't know about success but I didn't eat any food!!    Woke up at 515am for first ferry, spent 7hrs at the spa/hot tub/sauna/ and still managed to survive.  Got super cranky, but kept with isasnacks and isadelights ...I think I had 1extra of each but since my day started 3hrs earlier, walked 40mins and was swimming lots I think it was ok.  I dreamt about eating candy and crackers by accident last night in my dream. And of course I waited till I woke up alive today to send this text hehe.  Anyways I'm going back to shakes today!  Happy Sunday

Lost 6.8pds

Sooooo excited... Happy

Low Glycemic Veggies

http://www.doctoroz.com/article/low-glycemic-vegetable-list

someone suggested these would help my get thru my days....I'm taking notes :)

Use our low-glycemic vegetable list to start your journey to a healthier you:

• Artichokes
• Artichoke hearts
• Asparagus
• Bamboo shoots
• Bean sprouts
• Broccoli
• Brussels sprouts
• Cauliflower
• Celery
• Cucumber
• Daikon
• Eggplant
• Leeks
• Lentils
• Beans (green, kidney, garbanzo)
• Greens (collard, kale, mustard, turnip)
• Mushrooms
• Okra
• Onions
• Pea pods
• Peppers
• Radishes
• Rutabaga
• Squash
• Sugar snap peas
• Swiss chard
• Tomato
• Water chestnuts
• Watercress
• Zucchini
• Cabbage (green, bok choy, Chinese)
• Salad greens (chicory, endive, escarole, iceberg lettuce, romaine, spinach, arugula, radicchio, watercress)

I wonder if the fruits would work too??

low GI
Cherries	22
Plums	24
Grapefruit	25
Peaches	28
Peach, canned in natural juice	30
Apples	34
Pears	41
Dried Apricots	32
Grapes	43
Coconut	45
Coconut Milk	41
Kiwi Fruit	47
Oranges	40
Strawberries	40

survived a weekend road trip

went to visit family this weekend and tried to maintain this new way of 'eating' while I was there... 

5 shake days...scared to death to do a cleanse day. Been following the shake day recommendations and I have been surviving. Still headaches in afternoon, feeling weak when working out, and a general tiredness pretty much all day....that mixed with hangry outbursts have not really made feel good about myself. Been following the rules...2 snacks (under 200cal) and 1 - 600cal meal (2x went over - 800 cal meal)

my mom says as she said goodbye--please don't starve yourself too long...
but I did manage to enjoy 2 meals that went over my calorie budget and realized that whatever I was eating was MUCH better then what I would normally be eating when Im home...watching my dad cook the sausage, eggs, hasbrowns and toast for my BF and his son...i drank my shake and felt kinda tough doing so.

now i gotta figure out this week if I will cleanse (only drink a liquid) or just to daily evening cleanse.

Day 3 much better

I split my am snack in 2. Had some like 10 and then 1045. And split lunch shake in 2 half before workout and half after... Had a too many calories for my dinner but that's what happens when your traveling and don't get to eat till 730 on BC ferries.

Wish me luck - in my hometown for the weekend visiting family.

F -ing day 2...*spit on floor*

K....I'm having a REALLY REALLY HARD TIME on the program.... I lost my shit at work (hangry, light headed, shaky).  Obsessed over my 3pm snack for 2  hrs cuz within 30mins of lunch shake I was hungry again. Of course I ended up working late, had coaching call so dinner was late and I juat spent 30mins crying/sobbing with Jason because I hate these feelings...well i hate obsession with food and need for it to function.  The thoughts of never eating real food again terrify me...the headache and angry lash outs are scary.... Yes I'd like to loose some weight but I really don't know how sustainable this will be for me.  I get so worked up about following it right but at the same time I don't believe I can keep it up.  At least I'm at the gym now riding the stationary bike but secretly not working too hard cuz im worried I will pass out later.   I am committed to keeping at this for at least a week to see if I can get over the intense feelings, side effects but at this point feeling really depressed and discouraged.