Friday, October 16, 2015

stalled out. . . resting on my success. . gaining a bit

Its been awesome to hit a weight I hit a long time ago....I've been enjoying the weight I am now, I joke that I'm just getting used to it, want to get some wear out of my clothes I bought for this size. But in all reality I do want to loose more, but I've been sabotaging myself and cheating on my program and its kinda silly.   I have been kicking back relaxing on my journey.

I know I have also had to slow down my exercise because of my hip injury and rehabbing.  I need to ramp up the calorie burn and start building muscles etc.

I'm committed - back in the saddle and keep on keeping on.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

forgive me body for I have let you down...

so in a effort to 'taper' things before my triathalon...I did nothing/no exercise for 4 days before the event and then to rest up after I took another day off.... and guess what - I NOTICED the 6 days rest.
I've been exercising 4-6 times a week (sometimes 2x a day) and it makes me HAPPY and feel good.  (Wow never thought I would say that) but anyways I have battled depression over the years, been on medication in the past but been off medication now for long time...exercise has been my drug lifting my mood and giving me energy.  I was on a high after the race but today it all caught up with me...I was moody, sad, irrational, lazy and wanting to binge...I cried and cried and no it wasn't a PMS moment but a down moment, really far down.  I am having some stress at work transitioning between a new job and a old job/doing both..being on call and feeling frazzled.  I have been so diligent working out on my lunch break and even when i interviewed for the new job I said I would be taking time to exercise...but today I got pulled in so many directions that I broke down.. I put on my exercise gear and sat in my car crying, paralyzed by not knowing what to do, not thinking clearly and just being in a sad place.  I pulled myself together for the remainder of my work day but i wasn't the triathlon rockstar i was on Monday. loving and supportive boyfriend encouraged me to go for a run and he joined me and I feel so much better now (the run was hard - I was tired and feeling out of shape) but  it was a great reminder of the power of exercise and routine and I never want to be feeling this low again.
I'm committed to nourishing my mind and body every day...and I realize that I could have incorporated some gentle exercise in the days leading up to triathlon but I chose not too.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Just the right amount of crazy: Inspiration.

Just the right amount of crazy: Inspiration.:       I met Carleen in 2012. She was a Booty Camp newcomer but quickly became a beloved member of the team. She was quiet at first, like mo...


A Try-It Triathlon....Yeah I did!!!! Woot Woot Was an amazing amazing experience!!! 

The swim was cold and a bit disorienting (300meters), the beach run hurt my feet a bit (tide was WAY out), the bike ride (10km) was fun (EVEN the big hill to prospect point after my chain fell off and I put it on myself - and the fast guys with fancy helmets past me)...I rode my Comfort bike proudly with my basket and pink flowers zap strapped inside!!!..

quick transition to the run around lost lagoon (2.5km) with surprise cheerleaders 3 booty camp girls!!!! in all an AMAZING experience and super fun. now had a hot tub and relaxing and making plans for next years event...and contemplating what to do next smile emoticon Thank-you for the inspiration and the idea Kyla and Nicole and Congrats to all the Landmark grads that also rocked the event today. Redefine what is possible!!

Saturday, August 29, 2015

I rock and roll and JIGGLE!

These are my thighs.
These thighs have carried me many places and never let me down.  Carrying my former 310 pound body probably wasn't easy

These are my thighs helping me train for my first try-it triathlon. A triathlon is not something I ever thought I would do. But thanks to some landmark grads and my increased energy and fitness level I am taking it on. Today I am test driving my shorts. I don't normally run in shorts because I jiggle. Most women don't like to run in shorts because we jiggle. I took it on I rocked it and I'm ready for next weekend to cross the finish line in my shorts.

Thank you to the UK for inspiring women to get out there!

Thursday, May 21, 2015

i've lost control

it started with a weekend at the cabin...forbidden treats and food I've avoided. I had some, thinking hey lets treat myself.  I will enjoy some now and then get back on track next week. nooo problem..

well its a problem.  I've been off track since the rails like a crazy not good.
keep trying to talk myself out of eating what I've been putting in my mouth but can't seem to rationalize myself to stop.

I've been here, I've been down this path...I've called it self sabatoge in the past.  my body is changing shape, my clothes loosening up, people are noticing and all I want to do is shove my face with food.

Today was a full box of crackers, 4 mini quiches, a strudel (oh yesterday there was a strudel too- whoops). 

I start the day with good intentions but some how think its ok to cheat or to treat myself. I'm well aware when I'm not eating that this is dangerous slope and I have to get back on track.  its Rally Time.

My boyfriend knows and is trying to help me but then I get angry at him for 'telling me what to do'

Monday, May 18, 2015

What a difference 1.5months will make?!?! and 28 pound weight loss...yahooo!!

All the trials, tribulations, WORTH IT WHEN YOUR LOSING!!!

I have to thanks Isagenix for my new way of eating, having control over my food and having so much energy and fun!!

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Out of integrity

so I'm plugging away on my isagenix plan....cheating here, cheating there and getting frustrated that I'm not losing as fast as I was.  Not even acknowledging I'm CHEATING!!!  realized that I was congratulating myself with dinner...a big dinner/no counting/no calorie tracking dinner when I 'survived' my day of shake/snack/workout/shake/snack.   ooppss.
There has been many many times I have failed on past 'diet' plans..I've gathered evidence to support that I'm special/different/unique and 'those plans' don't work for me...what I figured out last night in my Landmark I cheat/quit/sabatoge my efforts in those plans so I can prove myself right!! so I can be the poor girl who weight watchers didn't work for...or the girl that just loved food more then anyone else.  I realize that perception is crap...its tied to my past failures and it really isn't serving me well at this moment.  So today I start being in integrity (doing what I say I'm going to do) and really start following this plan to see the success.  During my seminar session last night I actually shared in front of 120 people this realization...I was in tears- basically saying the jig is up and I've figured this out and now I'm watching for my self sabotage and my negative patterns.... and now anything is possible. I am not the girl that can't loose weigth, they girl that failed to loose weight to get to goal of 210 at HighSchool graduation...I'm a new me and ready to crush those numbers on the scale!!!!!!!!!!  and to be conscious of all the chatter in my head and all the tricky games I like to play.

onwards and downwards!

Friday, February 20, 2015

Down 11.9 pds

Now the stress, anxiety seems like a thing of the past.  The success of almost 6pds a week seems amazing to me.  Motivated to keep going and to accept that I have 2events this weekend where lots of food is involved. And then get back on track Monday

Sunday, February 15, 2015

1st cleanse

Well I successfully cleansed yesterday.... Well I don't know about success but I didn't eat any food!!    Woke up at 515am for first ferry, spent 7hrs at the spa/hot tub/sauna/ and still managed to survive.  Got super cranky, but kept with isasnacks and isadelights ...I think I had 1extra of each but since my day started 3hrs earlier, walked 40mins and was swimming lots I think it was ok.  I dreamt about eating candy and crackers by accident last night in my dream. And of course I waited till I woke up alive today to send this text hehe.  Anyways I'm going back to shakes today!  Happy Sunday

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Lost 6.8pds

Sooooo excited... Happy

Monday, February 9, 2015

Low Glycemic Veggies

someone suggested these would help my get thru my days....I'm taking notes :)

Use our low-glycemic vegetable list to start your journey to a healthier you:
  • Artichokes
  • Artichoke hearts
  • Asparagus
  • Bamboo shoots
  • Bean sprouts
  • Broccoli
  • Brussels sprouts
  • Cauliflower
  • Celery
  • Cucumber
  • Daikon
  • Eggplant
  • Leeks
  • Lentils
  • Beans (green, kidney, garbanzo)
  • Greens (collard, kale, mustard, turnip)
  • Mushrooms
  • Okra
  • Onions
  • Pea pods
  • Peppers
  • Radishes
  • Rutabaga
  • Squash
  • Sugar snap peas
  • Swiss chard
  • Tomato
  • Water chestnuts
  • Watercress
  • Zucchini
  • Cabbage (green, bok choy, Chinese)
  • Salad greens (chicory, endive, escarole, iceberg lettuce, romaine, spinach, arugula, radicchio, watercress)
I wonder if the fruits would work too??

low GI
Peach, canned in natural juice30
Dried Apricots32
Coconut Milk41
Kiwi Fruit47

survived a weekend road trip

went to visit family this weekend and tried to maintain this new way of 'eating' while I was there... 

5 shake days...scared to death to do a cleanse day. Been following the shake day recommendations and I have been surviving. Still headaches in afternoon, feeling weak when working out, and a general tiredness pretty much all day....that mixed with hangry outbursts have not really made feel good about myself. Been following the rules...2 snacks (under 200cal) and 1 - 600cal meal (2x went over - 800 cal meal)

my mom says as she said goodbye--please don't starve yourself too long...
but I did manage to enjoy 2 meals that went over my calorie budget and realized that whatever I was eating was MUCH better then what I would normally be eating when Im home...watching my dad cook the sausage, eggs, hasbrowns and toast for my BF and his son...i drank my shake and felt kinda tough doing so.

now i gotta figure out this week if I will cleanse (only drink a liquid) or just to daily evening cleanse.

Friday, February 6, 2015

Day 3 much better

I split my am snack in 2. Had some like 10 and then 1045. And split lunch shake in 2 half before workout and half after... Had a too many calories for my dinner but that's what happens when your traveling and don't get to eat till 730 on BC ferries.

Wish me luck - in my hometown for the weekend visiting family.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

F -ing day 2...*spit on floor*

K....I'm having a REALLY REALLY HARD TIME on the program.... I lost my shit at work (hangry, light headed, shaky).  Obsessed over my 3pm snack for 2  hrs cuz within 30mins of lunch shake I was hungry again. Of course I ended up working late, had coaching call so dinner was late and I juat spent 30mins crying/sobbing with Jason because I hate these feelings...well i hate obsession with food and need for it to function.  The thoughts of never eating real food again terrify me...the headache and angry lash outs are scary.... Yes I'd like to loose some weight but I really don't know how sustainable this will be for me.  I get so worked up about following it right but at the same time I don't believe I can keep it up.  At least I'm at the gym now riding the stationary bike but secretly not working too hard cuz im worried I will pass out later.   I am committed to keeping at this for at least a week to see if I can get over the intense feelings, side effects but at this point feeling really depressed and discouraged.   

Start of day 2

Started this post this morning and then apparently got sidetracked cuz I forgot my group leader call for my landmark education. That's another tool that I've been using to give me a different way to create the life ive been living and create amazing life with my awesome boyfriend. More on that another day hehe. Day 2 started off good woke up before my alarm well unfortunately I woke up at 2 a.m. 4 a.m. 5 a.m. and at 6 a.m. had my juice got ready had my shake and actually felt full after the shake its miracle!!  Snack time waS better today and soon it will be lunch....

Big accomplishment surviving day 1...feeling ok for day 2...yay

I've been feeling a bit vulnerable with my crazily supportive boyfriend as we weigh and measure myself...I guess cuz its in his face how big I really am and how I actually like e in a world where I believe/think and visualize I'm thin and by exposing my real body I'm going to be found out that I'm really not as thin as I think.  And I know I'm not really thin...but I do picture myself looking a certain certain outfits and lately when I see pics I'm shocked and disgusted with what I see....and I'm sure my BF has been seeing me...all of me and loving me regardless but it was a big realization for me.  Feeling exposed....soo from here its onward and upward... well actually downward and there is a chance to be a better person...lighter...stronger and complete.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Looong day...hunger

Waiting for my 400-600 calorie diner to be warm.... It was hard, it was long... Only a mild headache so far.  I did panic when I got back to my desk after my workout and started getting shaky... Had to have my snack a bit early. 

Tomorrow will be easier

Isolean Shake

Hmmmmm no ice in the freezer this a bit chalky and definitely a protein shake but tasteful.  1 scoop Chocolate and 1 scoop vanilla.  I'm thinking fill my belly and keep my full till 10am please please please pretty please.

Something I'm learning about myself is I'm OBSESSED with food. The thought of just drinking my food and only a snack at 10am is stressing me out.  I drove to work obsessing about food and lack thereof (almost in Panic attack mode complete with tears)...realizing that food was one of the only things in my child/young adulthood that  I could actually control- I snuck it, I hid it....I got a job (at a fast food restaurant) so I could buy my own car so I could eat it hidden away.
I'm stubborn so I'm hoping that with the realization that i"m obsessed and it controls me in so many ways that I can beat the demon and start fresh.

isagenix. AM wake up call

This morning.....excited but also thinking.... What the hell am I I going to starve..... I love. Love. Love. My food can I really do this??

first taste of ionix is there...tasted pretty darn to too good start.

New way new day,

Today is a new day...a new Isagenix way.
Previously all weight loss attempts have been with real food and willpower.... This time I'm trying something new.   Wish me luck!

I heard some great great things about this program so I thought hey let's give it a shot.   My 30 day system arrived!!   Kinda like Christmas...could have been a bit confusing but I watched lots of YouTube videos and have a super coach...Shannon and my brother Matt!!

Fat Prison- seen on a couple different websites-

I want to tell you about a very unusual sort of prison. It's called Fat Prison. Why is it so unusual? Because it's completely voluntary.
No one sends us to Fat Prison, we send ourselves!

What's it like to be a fat prisoner? The rules are very strict. To begin with, each prisoner must wear regulation uniform. This consists of a baggy skirt or elasticated pants. Most prisoners pretend they don't mind walking around in this shapeless uniform, but secretly they hate it. They'd much rather walk down the street in a slim pair of jeans.
Exercise is strictly controlled Swimming or playing with children is forbidden. And no prisoner may walk more than a few yards at a time. The penalties for breaking this rule include sweating, shortness of breath, soreness and fatigue. After a few years without any sort of proper exercise, prisoners become so soft that the very idea of movement terrifies them. If you don't believe me, go up to a fat prisoner and suggest a nice long walk in the fresh air!
Everyday life The main feature of everyday life inside Fat Prison is tiredness. Prisoners carry lots of extra weight around on their bodies, so not surprisingly they suffer from chronic fatigue. Result? After doing their daily chores, most of them slump down exhausted in front of the TV.
Even when they allow themselves a night out, many prisoners find it difficult to enjoy themselves. They feel awkward about their shape so instead of mixing with other people they tend to sit in the corner with other fat prisoners.
Prison Mentality After many years of locking themselves away inside their Fat Prison, many prisoners develop a prison mentality. They lose confidence in themselves and their ability to "go straight". They look at slim people and think: "I'm never going to be like them!" They think they are doomed to stay in Fat Prison, forever. Result? They let themselves go completely.
Bad for Health Fat Prison is very bad for prisoners health. Don't forget, the greater our weight, the greater the strain on our joints and spine. And the fatter we grow, the harder our heart has to work to keep us going. No wonder so many fat prisoners get ill!
Depressing Fat Prison is a depressing experience, not only for the prisoners but also for their families. In fact, the children of fat prisoners often grow up to become prisoners themselves. It's a vicious cycle.
Question So why do so many people end up in Fat Prison? And even more important, why don't they leave once they discover how awful it is?
Answer Because they prefer to eat cookies, chocolate, potato chips, popcorn, doughnuts, fatty meat and creamy desserts. They know that this stuff makes them fat but they don't care. They'd rather go to prison than give up their regular mouthful of fat. *Some may have other reasons
Are you a fat prisoner? Have you locked yourself up in your own private Fat Prison? If so, here's some advice. Don't waste another day of your life in jail. Get out now!
All you have to do is stop eating junk and start eating properly and you can walk free tomorrow.
It may take a few months before your weight returns to normal, but your tiredness will lift immediately and within a week you'll feel ten times better. So what are you waiting for?Get out of your Fat Prison today and start really living!