Sunday, April 20, 2008

So since my reality check WI...i've been doing pretty well trying to get back on track...but its weird how fast you get out of your 'good' ways, I've found myself suggesting bad food choices etc when the options have come up, wanting to hit the drive thru on a busy day etc...but overall I think I'm winning.... Unfortunatly I have to travel for work from Wed AM to Sat AM- living in a small community there is only 1 WW meting wed night, so today I will commit to finding on in Victoria where I'll be spending 3 days....

There was some questions in my comments about how things were going (in regards to my meltdown before V-cay) so here is the personal life update..... Hubby and I have had many great conversations about my needs, his needs, what we can do to meet those needs etc etc....we are working on it...I've also started taking an anti-depressent which I'm not sure what effect its having on my yet.... but also had my first visit to a councellor on Friday....the Counsellor wasn't all the excited that I was on the anti-d's however said to keep taking if I wanted...I began to spill my life to her in the 1hour session we had...we are meeting againg in 2 weeks and in the meantime I'm to work on "un-winding" and de-stressing and doing things I enjoy doing and also trying to "be present" I have a real issue with being soo busy I don't pay attention to my husband or listen to an employee cuz I'm always thinking forward to the next item on the list... which in turn stresses me out.... so I'm a work in progress...

Hubby had to go to vancouver yesterday for a workshop so today is our first day off together since vcay-- so I better stop blogging and go be a good wife and hang out and chat....

I'll be in touch_ I'm slowly making my way to all you "commenters" a greatly appreciate that you check in on me!!

*hugs* to all

Thursday, April 17, 2008

up 10.8...

wow so it was that bad.... I had to ask if that was a record- gaining 10.8 in 2 was pretty shocking for me to think- in just 14 days in my old bad habits I put on that much...Its taken me since Dec to looose that much...I guess no one ever said it was easy...

the thing I'm finding frusterating is my messed up relationship with food....I always want to eat...I'm really trying to listen to my tummy - "are you hungry"? but I seem to eat in a pattern, last night after WW I was notactaully hungry but I had convinced myself that is was 7:30pm and that I'd better eat dinner... I never stop eating when I'm full- I don't know when that is...the only time it would stop me is when I've eaten so much i feel as I would vomit.... I also notice while on our variety of diferent flights that I do eat when bored...and almost any "pain" I feel in my tummy area I mis-read as "hunger".... my goal this week is to be more in tune with what is really going on....

wish me luck!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Gained 12??? hmmm

Well I said I was going to enjoy myself on V-cay but if what my scale is telling me is true.....I've gained 12pds in 2 weeks....???????? I didn't follow any plan AT ALL.... so I can't be that surprised, I was hoping for like just a 6pd gain...however this is looking a bit ridiculous... I'll find out the truth tonight when I go to WW for my real scale can sometimes be wonky but that wonky???
I'm glad to be back- sortof.... my work should be at a normal persons pace, i see the counsellor on friday and I'm on like day 8 of taking my anti-depressents...I can't tell any difference (I don't think) yet....but I'll keep taking...
hope everyone out there is keeping well!
Take Care

Thursday, April 10, 2008

loving V-Cay...

its been awesome...sun, rollercoasters, convertable, capri pants from last summer that are to big for me, new size 18 capri pants, quality time with the hubby, fun with friends, great fireworks! yeah yeah... GOOD FOOD... I love american food...well the OLD carleen loves american food- i'm finding it hard to want to choose the healthy food options as the "bad" food has soo many good memories/ Garlic/Hot Zingers from the ALE HOUSE.... ohwell- I'm trying and walking LOTS... so we'll see how it goes... hope all is well for you and yours...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I truely am a goof :)

Kept forgetting to post my Measurement results... this is a huge NSV for me... I love progress :)

BY the way---- like my new shirt that I'm getting ready to wear as I particepate in the 8K run that happens at the same time as the Vancouver Marathon....which is May the pressure is on to lose AND KEEP OFF 4 more pounds, so I won't be a big liar... I told the t-shirt lady I wanted to Brag about my weightloss- am I crazy???
anyways I told her I'd be back to get my 50, 70, 90pd shirts in the near future :)

Friday, April 4, 2008


wooo wooo woo... k- i"m still sorta sad, and my heads a little messed up but I'm heading on VACATION....with HUBBY... i saw my Dr and I've started taking Wellbutrin (its a anti-depressent that has the least impact on weight-so the DR says)..... I went to vancouver yesterday and bought some clothes!! SIZE 18 shorts woo woo woo--- good bye 22 and 24's :) I'm pumped...

My boss it holding down the fort for me at work- which is great, I'm pretending to be a housewife today- with laundry and cleaning.... hubby and I MADE OuT last night which was awesome....-its been awhile- anyways I'm thinking with the work stress, the shock of losing 36 pds, not communicating with hubby that is why I've got a messed up version of reality right now....

I'm going to try and stay on program while away- but also going to enjoy myself :)

Take Care all and thanks for stickin with me :)
This is Hubby and me Feb 07- on our honey moon... hope I look cuter this time around :)

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

What to do...What to do...

I've truly been trying to continue on my heathly new lifestyle....I've been doing well, I've been seeing results, I've been working at it.... however its just been tough....

So if you've been reading my blog for a long time- you will know I've been under incredible stress from work....the culmination of that stress happened this weekend with the opening of my new facility....Last night after work...I came home and blurted out to my husband that I didn't like marriage and I wasn't sure what to do..... outta nowhere- this comment came to me, I've been working longlong hours and am looking forward to vacation which is happening on Monday.... but I guess I've been having second thougths about being married- since I have soo many responsibilites at work- for some strange reason I don't seem to want the responcibility of being in a relationship.,,??? Whats wrong with me.... now I've hurt my hubby's feelings as he's always supported me....but I'm just wondering if I'm jsut overwhelmed with everything- or what... I really want to just run away and hide.... ahhh

Tonight is WW- I still havn't decieded if I will go....I'm pretty sure I'm up- its been a HELL of a week and I ate Mcdonalds at 2pm (still can't get over a minor comfort eat)....

I've made myself an appointment with the DR (i went a while back and told him I was having a hard time dealing with stress- and he told me to come back later--- its now later) and I'm waiting to hear back from the EFAP people with the name of a counsellor in my area.... the hardest part about all this is that my messed up head is causing someone else pain (my hubby)... my boss sent me home from work for the rest of the week untill my vacation to allow me some time to get my head straight--- however i feel bad leaving work before tying up all the loose ends (even though I've pretty much worked my A$$ off and I'm pretty sure work is what caused all of this).....

in anycase- I need to be strong- figure out what is bugging me and get it worked out- the look on my hubbys face this morning when he asked me if he should start looking for a place to live truly broke my heart..

***** SCALE UPDATE. Down 5.6 and hubby is taking me out for dinner....wish us luck***

Fat Prison- seen on a couple different websites-

I want to tell you about a very unusual sort of prison. It's called Fat Prison. Why is it so unusual? Because it's completely voluntary.
No one sends us to Fat Prison, we send ourselves!

What's it like to be a fat prisoner? The rules are very strict. To begin with, each prisoner must wear regulation uniform. This consists of a baggy skirt or elasticated pants. Most prisoners pretend they don't mind walking around in this shapeless uniform, but secretly they hate it. They'd much rather walk down the street in a slim pair of jeans.
Exercise is strictly controlled Swimming or playing with children is forbidden. And no prisoner may walk more than a few yards at a time. The penalties for breaking this rule include sweating, shortness of breath, soreness and fatigue. After a few years without any sort of proper exercise, prisoners become so soft that the very idea of movement terrifies them. If you don't believe me, go up to a fat prisoner and suggest a nice long walk in the fresh air!
Everyday life The main feature of everyday life inside Fat Prison is tiredness. Prisoners carry lots of extra weight around on their bodies, so not surprisingly they suffer from chronic fatigue. Result? After doing their daily chores, most of them slump down exhausted in front of the TV.
Even when they allow themselves a night out, many prisoners find it difficult to enjoy themselves. They feel awkward about their shape so instead of mixing with other people they tend to sit in the corner with other fat prisoners.
Prison Mentality After many years of locking themselves away inside their Fat Prison, many prisoners develop a prison mentality. They lose confidence in themselves and their ability to "go straight". They look at slim people and think: "I'm never going to be like them!" They think they are doomed to stay in Fat Prison, forever. Result? They let themselves go completely.
Bad for Health Fat Prison is very bad for prisoners health. Don't forget, the greater our weight, the greater the strain on our joints and spine. And the fatter we grow, the harder our heart has to work to keep us going. No wonder so many fat prisoners get ill!
Depressing Fat Prison is a depressing experience, not only for the prisoners but also for their families. In fact, the children of fat prisoners often grow up to become prisoners themselves. It's a vicious cycle.
Question So why do so many people end up in Fat Prison? And even more important, why don't they leave once they discover how awful it is?
Answer Because they prefer to eat cookies, chocolate, potato chips, popcorn, doughnuts, fatty meat and creamy desserts. They know that this stuff makes them fat but they don't care. They'd rather go to prison than give up their regular mouthful of fat. *Some may have other reasons
Are you a fat prisoner? Have you locked yourself up in your own private Fat Prison? If so, here's some advice. Don't waste another day of your life in jail. Get out now!
All you have to do is stop eating junk and start eating properly and you can walk free tomorrow.
It may take a few months before your weight returns to normal, but your tiredness will lift immediately and within a week you'll feel ten times better. So what are you waiting for?Get out of your Fat Prison today and start really living!