Wednesday, April 2, 2008

What to do...What to do...

I've truly been trying to continue on my heathly new lifestyle....I've been doing well, I've been seeing results, I've been working at it.... however its just been tough....

So if you've been reading my blog for a long time- you will know I've been under incredible stress from work....the culmination of that stress happened this weekend with the opening of my new facility....Last night after work...I came home and blurted out to my husband that I didn't like marriage and I wasn't sure what to do..... outta nowhere- this comment came to me, I've been working longlong hours and am looking forward to vacation which is happening on Monday.... but I guess I've been having second thougths about being married- since I have soo many responsibilites at work- for some strange reason I don't seem to want the responcibility of being in a relationship.,,??? Whats wrong with me.... now I've hurt my hubby's feelings as he's always supported me....but I'm just wondering if I'm jsut overwhelmed with everything- or what... I really want to just run away and hide.... ahhh

Tonight is WW- I still havn't decieded if I will go....I'm pretty sure I'm up- its been a HELL of a week and I ate Mcdonalds at 2pm (still can't get over a minor comfort eat)....

I've made myself an appointment with the DR (i went a while back and told him I was having a hard time dealing with stress- and he told me to come back later--- its now later) and I'm waiting to hear back from the EFAP people with the name of a counsellor in my area.... the hardest part about all this is that my messed up head is causing someone else pain (my hubby)... my boss sent me home from work for the rest of the week untill my vacation to allow me some time to get my head straight--- however i feel bad leaving work before tying up all the loose ends (even though I've pretty much worked my A$$ off and I'm pretty sure work is what caused all of this).....

in anycase- I need to be strong- figure out what is bugging me and get it worked out- the look on my hubbys face this morning when he asked me if he should start looking for a place to live truly broke my heart..

***** SCALE UPDATE. Down 5.6 and hubby is taking me out for dinner....wish us luck***


Amanda said...

Stress can do terrible things to our emotions. You guys are still in the newlywed stage, right? Those first few years can be tough to adjust to.

I hope your vacation is good and the rest gives you some perspective. Try not to beat yourself up too bad about the food thing. I think a little bit of emotional eating here and there is OK.

I'll keep reading to see how you're doing.

Heather said...

aw Im sorry you are having a rough time of it! I hope things look up for you..Ive been where you are (With work stress,etc.) and it sucks. hang in there!

Cammy said...

Maybe you do need to run away for a while--get some just you time.

I'll be thinking happy thoughts for you and your husband. It's obvious you care about him, whether or not you want to be married to him.

40 by 40 said...

{{{hugs}}} So sorry about all the make make you take it out on those closest to you. It is so great that you are going to find someone to talk to about all of this. It's really important to help yourself and take care of you. I hope it gets better.I hoe you had a nice dinner with hubby and yay for being down on the scale..:/

Hanlie said...

That's just the stress talking! You probably feel disconnected from both yourself and your husband. That's natural after what you've been through. Take a deep breath and start reconnecting with both yourself and hubby... And get some help! Don't make far-reaching decisions when you're not yourself...

Erin said...

Honey we all have days (some of us weeks or that. Hopefully your DH is understanding and realizes it's basically a cry for help. You are a strong strong gal and you will make it through!


Poonie said...

Oh hon, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It's definitely the stress talking. I'm sure you'll find that once you start your vacation time and take a step back from work and all that stress that things will feel different. Have a great dinner with hubby, treat it like the quality time you both need together, and good luck.

Carolyn said...

i'm sorry, did you say down 5.6?????
I think your vacation will help you TONS. Sounds like you need to regroup and get back to basics. The hardest part though is being honest with yourself, but you've never mentioned being upset before with hubby... or at least that I've read. I highly doubt this is actually about him.
Work is just work, no matter how much we really feel its' more.... if you were to keel over tomorrow (God forbid!) would you be happy with what you've done at work, or maybe is there something else of high priority that you've let slip (including being nice to yourself?)? You're a wonderful person who deserves so much more than the life you've been living, if it makes you lash out at people... YOu need time. Make your hubby feel on board with your emotions... it'll work out for hte best in the long run. I'm sure he wants nothing but the best for you... but he is probably hurt right now too. Just remember that... he might say some things now (if he's anythign like my guy) that he doens't mean.... just try to get in touch with what's really going on...I know at one point too that responding to our blogs was stressing you out... don't worry about it! We're online, we'll survive! WE just all want you to feel better....

HUGGS Kitty.... Hang in there. We care for you, and want what's best for you. Just remember; what's really important here? It will save you tons of heartache in the long run!!

Ready to Shrink said...

Okay sweetie's time to decompress. Sit down and make a list of what is stressing you out and set it aside. For the next 15 minutes give yourself a break from your stress and concentrate on your marriage.

Now write down why you love your hubby. Remember everything from when you fell in love with him to the little things he does to support you to why you married him in the first place. Now write down what is making you feel like you don't want to be married (I bet that list is smaller than you thought, huh?). Compare these two lists...look at the list of reasons why you don't want to and prioritize them by what is affecting you the most. I know you think it will be hard but if you can't work through that list to your hubby. You two are in this marriage together.

You will work through it. And maybe...just maybe once you give yourself permission NOT to stress in that 15 might not even be able to find a reason that you don't want to be with that hubby of yours. Work it out girlfriend I know you can do it.

Linds said...

Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time right now! Wow... stress can really do a lot of negative things to a person! I totally agree about going to speak to someone at the EAP... it's nice to get it all out sometimes to a neutral person!

As for your hubby... I'm sure he can understand the stress you've been under, and we all know something things come out in a more harsh way when you're feeling over whelmed... it's so much easier to strike out at our loved ones, as supposed to our bosses and other people that piss us off! Talk things out with him... and enjoy every single minute of your holidays! You've definately earned them!!!

Fat Prison- seen on a couple different websites-

I want to tell you about a very unusual sort of prison. It's called Fat Prison. Why is it so unusual? Because it's completely voluntary.
No one sends us to Fat Prison, we send ourselves!

What's it like to be a fat prisoner? The rules are very strict. To begin with, each prisoner must wear regulation uniform. This consists of a baggy skirt or elasticated pants. Most prisoners pretend they don't mind walking around in this shapeless uniform, but secretly they hate it. They'd much rather walk down the street in a slim pair of jeans.
Exercise is strictly controlled Swimming or playing with children is forbidden. And no prisoner may walk more than a few yards at a time. The penalties for breaking this rule include sweating, shortness of breath, soreness and fatigue. After a few years without any sort of proper exercise, prisoners become so soft that the very idea of movement terrifies them. If you don't believe me, go up to a fat prisoner and suggest a nice long walk in the fresh air!
Everyday life The main feature of everyday life inside Fat Prison is tiredness. Prisoners carry lots of extra weight around on their bodies, so not surprisingly they suffer from chronic fatigue. Result? After doing their daily chores, most of them slump down exhausted in front of the TV.
Even when they allow themselves a night out, many prisoners find it difficult to enjoy themselves. They feel awkward about their shape so instead of mixing with other people they tend to sit in the corner with other fat prisoners.
Prison Mentality After many years of locking themselves away inside their Fat Prison, many prisoners develop a prison mentality. They lose confidence in themselves and their ability to "go straight". They look at slim people and think: "I'm never going to be like them!" They think they are doomed to stay in Fat Prison, forever. Result? They let themselves go completely.
Bad for Health Fat Prison is very bad for prisoners health. Don't forget, the greater our weight, the greater the strain on our joints and spine. And the fatter we grow, the harder our heart has to work to keep us going. No wonder so many fat prisoners get ill!
Depressing Fat Prison is a depressing experience, not only for the prisoners but also for their families. In fact, the children of fat prisoners often grow up to become prisoners themselves. It's a vicious cycle.
Question So why do so many people end up in Fat Prison? And even more important, why don't they leave once they discover how awful it is?
Answer Because they prefer to eat cookies, chocolate, potato chips, popcorn, doughnuts, fatty meat and creamy desserts. They know that this stuff makes them fat but they don't care. They'd rather go to prison than give up their regular mouthful of fat. *Some may have other reasons
Are you a fat prisoner? Have you locked yourself up in your own private Fat Prison? If so, here's some advice. Don't waste another day of your life in jail. Get out now!
All you have to do is stop eating junk and start eating properly and you can walk free tomorrow.
It may take a few months before your weight returns to normal, but your tiredness will lift immediately and within a week you'll feel ten times better. So what are you waiting for?Get out of your Fat Prison today and start really living!