When I chose the Instagram name 'curvy and strong' it was way of me accepting who I am -- i am strong and I have curves and no amount of exercise and diet will take them all away....I took at stand for myself and who I am.
I've been thinking ALOT about my weight lately (how it keeps rising), then 'accepting who I am', eating what I want, not really following a structured program, embracing my curves, not setting any specific goals and being active. What I realized is that I eat too much/unhealthy and then write it off as accepting who I am, its just a treat etc......my weight keeps rising ever so slightly and I'm kinda disappointed in myself...but then I give myself a free pass that I'm more active then I ever have been before and because I'm being showing the world big girls can be fit and active. However I am not making good choices to fuel this active body.
We went on a hike today and I had lots of time in the rain to think about my relationship to body positivity and acceptance and wanting to feel good/look good/perform good. I'm getting married this Summer and I've had lots of people ask if I'm trying to lose weight for the wedding and I've been happy to say I'm not...#sheddingforthewedding I didn't want to stress myself out buying a dress a size too small to torture myself into it.... but i'm not going to lie, really I want to look good in my pics - I'm marrying the most amazing man who has inspired me so much and is really my best friend.
I know i have a nice smile, I will be over the moon happy that day and with the right camera angles I can do that at the size I am now, but what I really want to do is feel proud of myself on that day...that I found the man of my dreams, I achieved something I set my mind too and look and feel great.
I realize I've been sabotaging myself the past 6-8months with not following a healthful eating plan, eating the snacks at work....its almost like i want to look bad on my wedding day so I can look back at those photos and 'make myself wrong' for not achieving my goals or not having self control around food.
So today....I decided that I'm going to take no prisoners for the next 30 days...I'm going to monitor/track my food intake, I'm going to fuel my body for performance and not for sugar cravings, I'm going to say no to the donuts and treats at the work meetings, I'm not going to let stress get to me (2 major projects at work underway), I'm going to plan my dream wedding with the most amazing man and I'm going to feel proud in my wedding photos that I set out to achieve my best self and I DID IT!!!
wish me luck and off I go!!!