Saturday, April 29, 2017

MY personal internal debate between bopo and letting myself go

When I chose the Instagram name 'curvy and strong' it was  way of me accepting who I am -- i am strong and I have curves and no amount of exercise and diet will take them all away....I took at stand for myself and who I am.

I've been thinking ALOT about my weight lately (how it keeps rising), then 'accepting who I am', eating what I want, not really following a structured program, embracing my curves, not setting any specific goals and being active.  What I realized is that I eat too much/unhealthy and then write it off as accepting who I am, its just a treat weight keeps rising ever so slightly and I'm kinda disappointed in myself...but then I give myself a free pass that I'm more active then I ever have been before and because I'm being showing the world big girls can be fit and active. However I am not making good choices to fuel this active body.

We went on a hike today and I had lots of time in the rain to think about my relationship to body positivity and acceptance and wanting to feel good/look good/perform good.  I'm getting married this Summer and I've had lots of people ask if I'm trying to lose weight for the wedding and I've been happy to say I'm not...#sheddingforthewedding  I didn't want to stress myself out buying a dress a size too small to torture myself into it.... but i'm not going to lie, really I want to look good in my pics - I'm marrying the most amazing man who has inspired me so much and is really my best friend.
I know i have a nice smile, I will be over the moon happy that day and with the right camera angles I can do that at the size I am now,  but what I really want to do is feel proud of myself on that day...that I found the man of my dreams, I achieved something I set my mind too and look and feel great.

I realize I've been sabotaging myself the past 6-8months with not following a healthful eating plan, eating the snacks at work....its almost like i want to look bad on my wedding day so I can look back at those photos and 'make myself wrong' for not achieving my goals or not having self control around food.

So today....I decided that I'm going to take no prisoners for the next 30 days...I'm going to monitor/track my food intake, I'm going to fuel my body for performance and not for sugar cravings, I'm going to say no to the donuts and treats at the work meetings, I'm not going to let stress get to me (2 major projects at work underway), I'm going to plan my dream wedding with the most amazing man and I'm going to feel proud in my wedding photos that I set out to achieve my best self and I DID IT!!!

wish me luck and off I go!!!

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Fat Prison- seen on a couple different websites-

I want to tell you about a very unusual sort of prison. It's called Fat Prison. Why is it so unusual? Because it's completely voluntary.
No one sends us to Fat Prison, we send ourselves!

What's it like to be a fat prisoner? The rules are very strict. To begin with, each prisoner must wear regulation uniform. This consists of a baggy skirt or elasticated pants. Most prisoners pretend they don't mind walking around in this shapeless uniform, but secretly they hate it. They'd much rather walk down the street in a slim pair of jeans.
Exercise is strictly controlled Swimming or playing with children is forbidden. And no prisoner may walk more than a few yards at a time. The penalties for breaking this rule include sweating, shortness of breath, soreness and fatigue. After a few years without any sort of proper exercise, prisoners become so soft that the very idea of movement terrifies them. If you don't believe me, go up to a fat prisoner and suggest a nice long walk in the fresh air!
Everyday life The main feature of everyday life inside Fat Prison is tiredness. Prisoners carry lots of extra weight around on their bodies, so not surprisingly they suffer from chronic fatigue. Result? After doing their daily chores, most of them slump down exhausted in front of the TV.
Even when they allow themselves a night out, many prisoners find it difficult to enjoy themselves. They feel awkward about their shape so instead of mixing with other people they tend to sit in the corner with other fat prisoners.
Prison Mentality After many years of locking themselves away inside their Fat Prison, many prisoners develop a prison mentality. They lose confidence in themselves and their ability to "go straight". They look at slim people and think: "I'm never going to be like them!" They think they are doomed to stay in Fat Prison, forever. Result? They let themselves go completely.
Bad for Health Fat Prison is very bad for prisoners health. Don't forget, the greater our weight, the greater the strain on our joints and spine. And the fatter we grow, the harder our heart has to work to keep us going. No wonder so many fat prisoners get ill!
Depressing Fat Prison is a depressing experience, not only for the prisoners but also for their families. In fact, the children of fat prisoners often grow up to become prisoners themselves. It's a vicious cycle.
Question So why do so many people end up in Fat Prison? And even more important, why don't they leave once they discover how awful it is?
Answer Because they prefer to eat cookies, chocolate, potato chips, popcorn, doughnuts, fatty meat and creamy desserts. They know that this stuff makes them fat but they don't care. They'd rather go to prison than give up their regular mouthful of fat. *Some may have other reasons
Are you a fat prisoner? Have you locked yourself up in your own private Fat Prison? If so, here's some advice. Don't waste another day of your life in jail. Get out now!
All you have to do is stop eating junk and start eating properly and you can walk free tomorrow.
It may take a few months before your weight returns to normal, but your tiredness will lift immediately and within a week you'll feel ten times better. So what are you waiting for?Get out of your Fat Prison today and start really living!